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Turtle Puns

Turtle puns fit into any conversation. Whether you are shopping for turtles or are just known to be the turtle guy or gal, there is never a bad time for a good turtle pun!

You can use these puns at the store picking out a turtle with your kids if you’re at the zoo looking at turtles, and any time turtles come up in a conversation. Heck, if turtles are on your mind, we hope this list makes it into those thoughts as well.

Although it might be hard to just SHELL one out on the spot like that, we’ve got some great puns to help you come out of your shell without sounding too shell-ow.

Apologies for these cringe-worthy puns in advance, but if you continue reading and you’ll find that we have more fun puns coming tortoise! (get it, “toward us”?)

We hope you enjoy it.

How to Work Turtles Into Puns

Use “turtle” in place of these words:

1. “Total or totally”

A Turtle disaster
A Turtle disaster

“It was a turtle distaster.”


“I was turtle-y going to fix that!”

*extra points if you can fit “turtle-itarian” into a sentence!

2. “Shell”

aw shell
Awwww shell!!

There are so many possibilities here; they’re endless! Spe-shell (special), in place for a curse word like “hell”, and so many other situations; don’t be shell-fish!

3. “Tortoise”

He tortoise well
He tortoise well.

You can use this word in place of “toward us”, as we just did, as well as “taught us”

4. “Snappy”

Snappy turtle
Don’t get snappy with me!

If someone is being a party pooper or is acting aggressively toward your turtle puns, tell them to stop being such a snappy turtle! 

“Wow, you didn’t have to SNAP at me.” 

It’ll definitely bring them around.

5. “Sturtle”

Sturtled turtle

Use it in place of “startle” just because it sounds funny.

You can use some of these word plays to land some great turtle puns!

Punny Turtle Jokes

1. What do you call a famous turtle?

A shell-ebrity.

A shell-ebrity.

2. I had a teacher in high school called Mrs.Turtle.

Mrs Tortoise
Mrs Tortoise

She tortoise well.

3. Why can’t a turtle stand up?

Ereptile dysfunction
Reptile dysfunction

Because of a reptile dysfunction.

Dad-Joke-Worthy Turtle Puns

4. Why did the turtle cross the road?

shell station
The shell station

To get to the shell station.

5. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?

slow poke

A slow poke.

6. What do you call a blind sea turtle?

can't sea turtle
Can’t sea turtle

A can’t sea turtle

7. My uncle died from a turtle stampede

turtle stampede
A turtle stampede

It was a slow death

8. How do you make a turtle fast?

fasting turtle
Fasting turtle

Don’t feed it.

9. What do you call a flying turtle?


A shellicopter.

10. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?

turtleneck jumper
Turtleneck jumper

A turtle neck jumper.

11. What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?

A turtle snapping some pics ;)

A snapping turtle.

12. My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.

it tortoise nothing
It tortoise nothing

It tortoise nothing.

Wholesome Turtle Puns

13. [walks into a bookstore]

Hardback turtle
Hardback turtle

Me: do you have any books on turtles?

Librarian: Hard-back?

Me: Yeah, with four legs and a little head.

14. What did the snail say when it was riding on the back of a turtle?

Turtle giving a snail a ride
Turtle giving a snail a ride


15. How do turtles communicate with each other?

Call me on my Shell Phone
Call me on my Shell Phone

With shell phones.

Holiday Turtle Puns

16. What did Jesus say to the Turtle?



17. What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?

It's a shellibration
It’s a shellibration

They have a shell-ebration.

A Little Dark Turtle Humor

18. What berry are the sea turtles allergic to?

sea turtle allergic to Strawberry
sea turtle allergic to Strawberry


19. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle?

Shelf help book
Shellf help book

It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller!

20. Do you think turtles live longer than humans because…

A sheltered life
A sheltered life

They live a shell-tered life?

21. There was a problem in the reptile den at the zoo.

Reptile den escape
Reptile den escape

It was a turtle disaster.

22. Where do homeless turtles go?

Shelter soup kitchen

To the Shellter.

23. What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?

jellyfish sandwich
Peanut butter and jelly fish

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

24. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?


To the shell-block.

Wrap up

We hope you learned more about improving your turtle lingo and that you might be able to land some fast ones with your family and friends next time.

Please leave any comments below on anymore turtle puns you might have for us!

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